Left wanting

You know... I kind of scoffed at the update on my pregnancy widget today. "Your baby is growing so fast; take care of yourself for your baby's sake."

Okay.

But the Chaney train doesn't stop for anything. Not nausea, not fatigue, not anything. The laundry piles up and the kids need attention and there's lots of work to be done. I'd love to take it easy. I really would. But I just don't have that option.

All that to say, today was quite the humdinger of a day, as Aunt Ginger would say. A true humdinger. After I hit level four (out of five) on my nausea scale (I'll have to post one of these days about the Candace Chaney Nausea Scale- I've put a lot of thought into it), I went to lay down for a minute. Then there was the screaming. And more screaming. So to stop the screaming, what did I do? I screamed. Then there was the crying at the grocery store. And the way I got completely bent out of shape because I felt like Kroger swindled me out of $16. (Are you paying attention, Kayla?) And then there was the potty accidents. Both children. And the tantrums (the kids). And the pouting (me). It was rough.

Momma said there'd be days like this...

But the bright spot of our day was an hour of relative peace at the park. I wasn't able to completely unwind and catch up with my friend (sorry, Lyd), but it was the one thing I can take away from a day that was otherwise downright hard.


And that one hour of fun I had with my kids is probably the part of this season of my life that I'll remember.


And that they'll remember.




At the end of our park outing, the fun activity of the day was to pick up rocks and throw them into the drainage ditch. I know all you mothers of boys know how much fun it is to chunk rocks into water.

I thought about the drainage ditch and how it was just less than what it could be or what it should be. Instead of a cool stream of clear fresh water rushing over rocks, we kind of had to settle on the stagnant water of the drainage ditch.


The time spent with my kids today was not unlike that. It was just less that what it could be or what it should be. Without my own sin or the sin of my children, it would be so much more. Don't get me wrong- there are glimpses of good and especially as we surrender to the will of our Father, we sometimes get it right, but today just left me wanting. The Curse we live under is so pervasive that we kind of forget that in the end, all things will be made new. We weren't meant to live like this- to struggle like this- and one Day, we won't. I treasure the time the Lord has given me and I want to sear the memory of the fun we had today under a beautiful clear blue sky in my mind forever. But I also yearn for the time when all things are new- when concrete drainage ditches are replaced by something better and the impatience in my heart is removed and the hearts of my children are completely righteous all the time.

Randy Alcorn's Heaven has taught me a lot about what I've always felt in my heart, but for which I'd never had words. I yearn for this newness of life and this renewal of all things and for this beauty that I've not quite ever seen because it's coming. On Earth as it is in Heaven.

I can't wait.

Revelation 21:3-5 "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'"