I struggle with sleep and with depression. I am well acquainted with that heavy feeling that relentlessly pulls one down down down into an abyss of darkness. I often don't like being in my own skin or being with other people. I have the head knowledge that I am beautiful and that being with others is so important but it doesn't translate easily to my heart every day. I have to work at it. I have to make myself fight for gratitude and I have to borrow the joy of God daily. My family isn't perfect and I'm not the best mother and I often fail others. Others struggle much more, others struggle less, but I struggle. And I just need anyone who knows me or likes me to know that. I struggle TOO.
If you see anything good in me, it's because I've hidden myself in the Rock. I've let the Spirit fill me and use me and that's all I've got. I take medicine and supplements and I watch what I eat (most times) and I've taken to meditating more often and practicing hospitality and gratitude and these are all important. But being myself and taking care of myself isn't enough. I have to let the Spirit of God take care of me, let myself be set free in Jesus, to let truth wash over me every day so that I can run free and into the calling God has just for me. This doesn't fix circumstances but it brings peace when I let it.
Last night an old friend and I were talking about our personality types and she said, "I'm really surprised [that we're the same type]... I don't know what that means except I guess that I battle against anxiety and depression and I guess I don't imagine that you do?" So this is just me getting real and setting the record straight. I struggle too. You are not alone.